I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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