did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
