Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
