Apparently you make a good broom.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
