you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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