Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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