She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
