is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
