ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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