Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
