Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
