I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
