Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
