I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
