is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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