im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
