she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
