eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
