There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize