my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
