i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i think my cat just said my name.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
