My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
