My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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