Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
