FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
