im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
