Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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