but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Soap is not a condiment
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
