My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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