I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
