My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
