Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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