everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
