I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize