My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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