Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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