I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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