There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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