i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
