your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
