my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
