What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
