well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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