I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
