Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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