Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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