you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
