This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize