I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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