i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
