I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
