I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
