I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
