and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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