I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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