I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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