Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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