I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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