I wish life had little blips of pornography
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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