I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
