I want to stick my p in your. b.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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