I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize