u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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