I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize