My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My penis needs a shock collar
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
