I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
