I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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