why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
