i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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