did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
