Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She is in my trunk
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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